


Silence

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, Depression, Episode Related, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sad Ending, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:27:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25915837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: Alec stands on the balcony in the darkness of a moonless night, listening to the voices that tell him to try harder and do better, thinking of the people who promised to never hurt him but had. He stands there and thinks. Until he stops.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 18
Kudos: 67
Collections: Hunter's Moon 500 Prompts





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Written for HM 500 prompts: wings
> 
> Make sure to read the tags!

Alec sighed silently when he stepped out in the dark, moonless night on the balcony, hoping for the voices to calm down. But they didn’t, they never did those days. They were a constant chatter, always present, even in his sleep. Yelling at him, laughing at him. Commanding him to try harder, to do better. He pressed his hands to his eyeballs, wanting to scream. Wanting to tell them to shut up. But he couldn’t and they didn’t. 

His hands gripped the balustrade in front of him hard so that the veins on the back of his hands shone blue against his pale skin. He remembered clearly the day he had stood there before. The day he had jumped. The day he had felt free. The day Magnus had saved him, promising him to take care of him. To always be there for him. To never hurt him.

But he had. Just like all the others. They promised one thing and did the opposite. His parents foremost. But also Izzy. Even Jace who carried a piece of his soul. Even he believed that his best would never be good enough. And Alec knew it to be true. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he paid attention to what the others wanted from him and how much he followed through with it, it was never enough. He would never get the validation his heart craved and his soul needed. He had thought to find peace with Jace. Then he had believed to have found love with Magnus. Ringed hands entangled in his hair, soft lips pressed to his own, promising the stars and the moon. But only night had come. 

_ “I guess it runs in the family.” _

Magnus’ break up words, even though Alec had done everything for Magnus, even turning against his own family. The words still hurt. A stab to his heart, worse than a blade, leaving a bleeding wound that had never closed, though they had found their ways back together. 

The voices grew louder and Alec climbed. He couldn’t hear the soft voices, the whispered  _ I love yous  _ from Magnus or Jace, the voices of praise, of want or regret. They were too soft, too quiet. There was just too much darkness around them.

He spread his arms wide as if he had wings before he let himself fall into the night, giving in to the darkness insight and around. The voices crashed over him in a crescendo before finally they were quiet. Finally, everything was silent. His head, his soul. His heart that had eventually stopped beating.

Two more lives ended that night, one quietly and unaware, one accompanied by screams of pain and despair. Two lives, just a heartbeat away but yet worlds apart. The life of a Parabatai waiting for his soulmate to return. The life of a boyfriend awaiting his lover, who'd never come back. One night. Three lives that would never be the same again. Or just be.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are loved 💙


End file.
